Photo by Photos by Lanty

God institutes marriage

Now the LORD God said, “ It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone: I will make him a helper meet( suitable, adapted, complementary) for him. Genesis 2:18 AMPC

This is the first time we see the idea of marriage. God puts a man and a woman together.

First, for companionship, there is a unique companionship that we find in a marriage covenant that cannot be replaced by any other relationship. God provides a friend, a partner, a champion, and a confidant all rolled into one. It’s pretty amazing. Two, as a means of aiding both for the purpose He has for them.

Marriage is intentional; it is not something we should take lightly because God takes it seriously.

It’s also the first institution that God creates giving us the importance of marriage where the human race is concerned.

There is a leaving and cleaving.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife. Genesis 2:24

A man has to be grown to be able to start a family. Leaving one’s parents symbolizes maturity and independence. One cannot lead his house if he is still under the guardianship of his parents. When one gets married one begins to make decisions concerning their life. So there is a necessary separation for him to be able to lead his house independently.

One pastor said, “ Marriage is for grownups it’s not for little children.” We often see people getting married but are not quite ready to take on the responsibility of stewarding the institution. Or we see parents consistently interfering with their children’s relationships not understanding the autonomy of them leaving and cleaving to each other.

Becoming one flesh

And the two shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed Genesis 2:24-25

I don’t think there is anything more difficult in a relationship than this. Two individuals with different personalities, ideas, and preferences learn to become one.

There are two aspects of becoming one in this Scripture. One, is they physically become one through the consummation of that marriage covenant. Their bodies and souls become intertwined. With time, they begin to share common interests, they begin to share perspectives, begin to have the same life outlook. Oneness allows them to build a life together.

I love that scripture says they become… It’s not an event, it’s a becoming, and it’s a process…A wedding doesn’t make you one, sharing your lives for a lifetime is what makes you one. It is a lifetime of bringing two different lives together and working towards oneness.

Two, they become one spiritually. As they pursue God together there is a oneness that comes into the relationship due to their union with God. God begins to morph them into the image of His Son, so they aren’t becoming like each other but reflecting Christ in their oneness. The closer they are to God the more harmonized they are; but the further they are from God, the further they will be from each other and the more disunited they will be.

She is from his rib

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to all upon the man, and while he slept he took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of Man.” Genesis 2:21-23

There is a unique compatibility that happens when God puts two people together. There is a sense of her being imperfectly perfect for him, and him for her. As if she came out of him-which is the idea that Genesis gives. We don’t literally come from their side like Eve, but God in His wisdom knows how to fit us together as if we are from one body.

“In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. he who loves his wife loves himself.” Ephesians 5:28

Paul echoes this, she is from his body and he must learn to love her as he loves himself. No one hates or mistreats his own body. That’s how a husband is to see his wife and a wife is to see her husband. This requires selfless love- receiving his example from the way Christ loves His church (which is His body).

God holds them accountable for their actions individually and collectively

When Adam and Eve sinned God address them individually first, and then they collectively received judgment.

Because of his God-given headship, God asks Adam first. He comes to the head because he had been given responsibility.

But the LORD God called to the man and said, “Where are you?” Genesis 3:9 He doesn’t talk to Eve first (even though she is the culprit of this whole mess).

God asks Adam because he had been given the responsibility of headship. Headship means responsibility. God shows us this by addressing the man first because in giving in to his wife he had forfeited his headship and authority.

And to Adam, he said, because you have listened to the voice of your wife.” Genesis 3:17

God judges Adam not only for eating from the tree but also for listening to the voice of his wife. He was supposed to listen to God’s voice and lead her, not allow her to lead him. Not saying that a man cannot listen to his wife but it has to be in line with God’s voice and Word if he does.

Even though Adam was responsible for leading them, it doesn’t negate Eve’s responsibility in leading herself. She listens to the serpent and for this God held her accountable. Genesis 3:16

We cannot hide behind a man’s lack of leadership and think we will get away with our sins. God will hold us accountable for our part in the relationship. Even when he is not doing his part, we are still expected to do ours.

Her desire will be for her husband

Your desire will be for your husband. Genesis 3:16

This was her judgment. Her desire will be misplaced because she replaced God by choosing to disobey.

Because of their fall, the dynamic of how their relationship worked was changed forever.

Desire here has a connotation of a longing and insatiable hunger for his affection, attention, and affirmation. This wasn’t God’s original idea; this was a result of the fall. Because she negated God’s place in her heart through sin, she now had an inordinate desire to get what she could only get from her relationship with God from the man. She tries to make him her God –he becomes her idol and she would do anything to win him.

However, because of Jesus, we can get back to God’s original idea-where our love for him flows from our love for God. God is first in our hearts, He is our ultimate desire, not our husband. When our relationship with God is rightly placed, we can love them without idolizing them.

He rules over her

And he will rule over you.”Genesis 3:16

She has a desire to be loved by him the way God loves her, however,  instead of him loving her, he was going to rule over her. This was judgment.

The man wasn’t given headship so he can rule over her. He has headship so he can love her sacrificially and lead her to God. But because of the fall, what was supposed to work unanimously- His loving headship and her devoted submission- has now become something else. There is control and manipulation from each side trying to win against the other.

Colossians 3:19: “Husbands, love your wives [with an affectionate, sympathetic, selfless love that always seeks the best for them] and do not be embittered or resentful toward them [because of the responsibilities of marriage].”

Colossians puts it perfectly. This is the way he is supposed to lead her with a selfless love that always seeks the best for her, not with harshness.

If we don’t know God’s idea for marriage we will do marriage with the patterns of the world. If we do marriage with the patterns of this world, we will keep having the same results the world has. But if we will take the time to learn How God sees marriage, we can be able to build something that tells the world there is a different way to do this.

We can learn so much about God’s idea of covenant relationships from Genesis. I pray that God will so help, teach and transform you, until your relationship reflects Him and His idea for marriage.

Have a blessed weekend!


  1. Lucy, as always a very detailed and good study.
    I like what you wrote about becoming one flesh, it is a process and not sudden or immediate. And also that they become one spiritually.
    I always find that the best marriages are when both are drawing closer to God. It makes a vast difference in how they love and treat each other.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s