Photo by Ekrulila
Meeting someone on a first date can be daunting. It can be a fun experience or it can be traumatic. You never know what you are getting.
The essence of a first date is to test whether there is a possibility of something more. Sometimes, you can tell right off the bat whether you and that person have a future together or not. But not everyone is lucky enough to find their person on a first date, sometimes, it takes more than one date.
With this in mind, it doesn’t mean that you cannot have fun and enjoy yourself. We are more likely to enjoy a first date when there is no pressure for it to mean something.
With the myriad ways in which people can meet today, whether it’s through social media, dating apps, or the true and tested old-fashioned way (he asked you out in person), first dates can be nerve-wracking. Knowing what to talk about can help ease the nerves and help you get to the possibility of a second date.
Here are a few conversation starters to help keep the conversation going. Remember you are not interviewing your date, you are asking questions to help you both get to know each other better.
Allow them to talk about themselves
Everybody likes to talk about themselves, however on the first date, this can be difficult because people are trying to put their best foot forward. It’s also easy for one to lie about themselves because they want to impress their date. How a person talks about themselves reveals a lot about who they are. Just by listening, you can be able to tell if someone is self-aware or not. You can also gauge someone’s confidence by how they introduce themselves.
With this conversation starter, you are looking to know how this person views themselves. You can pick 1 or 2 to get the conversation going.
- Tell me one thing that makes you unique
- What do you like most about yourself?
- Tell me something about yourself that you have discovered lately?
- What is the one thing you would like to change about yourself?
Ask about their interests
Interests often reveal what someone is passionate about. They tell you what this person does in their free time. They can also tell you whether a person has taken the time to discover what makes them happy or not. Interests also help you to know whether you and this person have something in common. For instance, you may discover you both love to read, or you can geek out on your favorite show or movie. You may discover that you have similar interests which will increase the possibility of more fun dates in the future.
- What is the one thing you do when you want to relax?
- Describe an epic weekend for you?
- Any good book you’ve read lately? Or the most interesting show or movie you’ve watched?
- Do you have a hobby or a personal project you are currently working on?
- Favorite Social Media apps and why?
Ask them about their faith
If you are a Christian you want to know if your values and beliefs are compatible. You don’t want to assume that someone’s beliefs are similar to yours even when their bio on Facebook or Instagram says they are a Christian. It helps to ask questions to see where this person is on their faith journey.
- Tell me one thing God has done for you lately- could be an answered prayer, an unexpected miracle, or a random thing that God has done for them.
- A verse in the Bible that perfectly describes the season you are in ( this will tell you if God’s word is important to them).
- Favorite worship band or favorite worship song
- Who inspires your faith the most?
- Tell me about your church community
Ask them about their job
The way a person talks about their job can tell you a lot about them. You can tell whether they are in their dream job or not. You can tell whether they like what they do or not. You can aso tell whether they have a vision for where they want to be in the future.
- What do you like most about your job?
- What’s the least favorite part of your job?
- Is this your dream job? If it’s not, what is your dream job and how are you working towards achieving this?
- If 5 years from now we are sitting here and having this conversation, what would you like to be different?
- If money wasn’t an issue what is the one thing you would do?
Talk about family and friends
The way a person relates with their family will tell you how they will relate with you. If they don’t get along with their family that’s a red flag. If they don’t have any friends that’s also a red flag. You can tell whether someone has the capacity to build healthy relationships by how they relate with family and friends.
- Tell me about your family- their parents relationship, what they do, ask about siblings and how they relate
- Something funny you remember about your childhood
- A family tradition that you hold dear
- Who is the one person you call/ text when you are in trouble?
- Who inspires you the most?
- Tell me something about your best friend- current or childhood. How did you two meet?
Ask about their dreams and aspirations
Dreams and aspirations give us a roadmap of where we want our life to go. A person with a dream/vision will most likely take his/ her life seriously. They aren’t waiting for life to happen to them, they are making life happen to them.
- Two things you wanted to be when you grow up( this can be a funny story that you both can laugh about)
- Describe to me your dream life
- Something you have achieved that used to be a dream
- Any wild dream that would surprise you if it happened
Ask about what they want in a relationship
Nothing sucks as finding out that you are on a date with someone who is just looking for a casual relationship. Women often end up in casual relationships because they assumed a man wanted more when they didn’t. To avoid heartbreak, it’s better to bring it up early so you can part ways if you are not looking for the same things in a relationship.
- One thing that is a nonnegotiable for you in a relationship?
- What kind of a relationship are you looking for right now?
- Tell me two things you can tolerate in a relationship
Ending the date
How we end the date is as important as how we start it. We don’t want to leave someone hanging after they have given us a few hours of their precious life. If you see the possibility of a second date, you can tell your date ( subtly without taking away his job for pursuit).
- Tell them you enjoyed spending time with them
- You can compliment them on their listening skills or ability to hold a conversation
- You can talk about how nervous you were about meeting them
If it wasn’t a good date and you don’t see the possibility of a second date you can:
- Thank them for taking their time to meet you
- Be bold and nicely tell them that you don’t see the possibility of another date (Don’t give a man false hope for a second date when you know there won’t be one)
- You may both amicably part ways knowing you gave it a shot
First dates can be scary; there is the possibility of rejection which makes it hard for us to want to put ourselves out there. Getting over the initial jitters of first date opens us up to the possibility of finding great relationships. So, put yourself out there, who knows maybe this will your last first date.