God’s Design for Women in Relationships

Photo by Natalia Sobolivska

What happens when two people get together and don’t know what the heck they are supposed to do?… Mess, confusion, and brokenness ensue. Whenever a man and woman get into a relationship and don’t know their designed role; they will steward that relationship in error.

As women, what exactly is our role? Is there a specific design for us to show up in relationships or are we supposed to just sit and be pretty? Is there more to us than just wearing cute clothes and make-up? Are we more than the person who comes into his life to cook, tidy his house, sleep with, have his babies, and take care of his laundry?

Stay awhile and you’ll find out…

Helper

The first time we see a relationship pictured in scripture is in Genesis 2. Then the Lord God said, “ It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Genesis 2:18

We see here that a woman’s primary role is to come in as a helper. The word helper here comes from the Hebrew word ‘ ezer’.  Ezer has the connotation of offering aid. It means strength, rescue, help, and protector. The only other time we see this used in scripture is in reference to God offering help to His people.

With this definition, it’s clear a woman doesn’t come in to play a subordinate role to the man. She comes in to offer him strength where he is weak. She offers a special kind of help; she is in some way positioned by God as a rescuer for the man.

We don’t come in to take off all the things he doesn’t want to do. I heard a woman put it so well, “ I am not coming in to get work from you, I am coming to help you do what you are supposed to do.”

I have often told him this…I will not do what you can do for yourself, but I will do what you cannot be able to do. We come in with God’s intention of aiding a man in accomplishing the things he wouldn’t do by himself. Ladies, when we come into a covenant relationship with this understanding; we will be working out God’s design for us in that relationship.

Don’t choose a man who refuses to lay down his self-sufficiency, because your help will be useless to him. Sometimes, they don’t know how much help they need until we come into their lives.

A Complementary fit.

Still, in Genesis 2:18, we see God saying… It is not good ( beneficial) for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper [one who balances him– a counterpart who is] suitable and complementary for him.” AMP

One of the meanings of complementary is combining in such a way as to enhance or emphasize the qualities of each other or another. (Oxford dictionary)

I love this, when God puts two people together he makes sure in a way that they enhance one another’s qualities. What does this mean? It means that because she is with him; she is able to magnify his strengths as well as supplement his weaknesses with her strengths to make him be the best he can be. And vice versa.

As one musician sang, “ You make me better, you make me better” … A man who chooses well will have someone who makes him better. This is God’s design, not a clever musician’s idea.

Nurturer

The man named his wife Eve ( lifespring. Life-giver), because she was the mother of all the living. Genesis 3:20

A woman is designed to be a life-giver. One of the characteristics that make a woman a mother is her ability to nurture. She is able to nurture a seed in her womb and grow it into a baby; then she nurtures that child to become who he/she is supposed to be. We not only nurture and give life to physical babies we also have the ability to nurture things spiritually and emotionally. Anything we are given as a seed, we have the unique ability to nurture it into maturity… that’s just our superpower gals!

So, we have to be careful that in relationships, we are nurturing and giving life to the right things. The downside of this is we can nurture the wrong things, we can nurture things like foolishness, selfishness, laziness, and disrespect in a man and in relationships.

We get to decide whether we will nurture and give life to good things. Or we will nurture and give life to things that don’t bring value to our lives and relationships.

Good and favor

When a woman comes into a man’s life; she specifically brings him two things; good and favor. He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22 A man sets himself up for good and favor because he gets himself a wife.

She brings him good, not harm all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:12

There are things that will come to a man’s life because he found himself a wife. Wife as in (he has committed himself to a lifelong covenant with her in marriage). There are things he can access because of this woman.

Remember, a man doesn’t necessarily bring you good and favor, you do, and this is God’s design. This should give us confidence in knowing he gets the privilege of choosing the specific favor that rests on my life because he chooses me for himself.

Encourager and comforter

She comforts and encourages and does him good as long as there is life within her. Proverbs 31:12AMPC

A woman epitomizes comfort and encouragement in a relationship. Here is the thing we cannot give what we don’t carry. It takes a woman who is encouraged and comforted to be able to give it to a man. Ladies, if we aren’t going to God to fill us with encouragement and to comfort us; we will be empty vessels for a man who needs it from us. The Holy Spirit in scripture is the encourager and comforter, so a Spirit-led wife or woman is the only one able to do this.

When we aren’t in God, a man will find discouragement among other things from us. We have to be encouraged and comforted first, to be able to provide it to a man.

Gifted with wisdom

Women, we are wise. We have been gifted with an ability to know and see things in a different way. We can smell something fishy from a mile away. We can tell when he is about to make very tragic decisions. We are able to bring sensibility into the relationships in a way that they can’t. This is God’s design.

House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, But a wise, understanding and sensible wife is ( a gift and blessing) from the Lord. Proverbs 19:14 AMP.

ESV says…a prudent wife is from the Lord.

Prudence can mean a lot of things: wisdom; good sense; reasonable; skillful and good judgment; cautious; shrewdness. All these are qualities that define prudence. It’s only God who can give to a man this kind of woman. God will not loosely hand her out to just anyone. He will hold a man responsible for what He gives to him to steward and bring Him glory.

Submission

The word submission is difficult to decipher as a strong 21-century woman, Nonetheless, it is in scripture. A woman’s role in a marriage relationship is to submit to a man’s leadership and authority. God has ordained it this way. When we do it God’s way we are sure to get great results. But when we do it the world’s way, we will end up with relationships that look just like the world- full of manipulation; lying, self-centeredness, and brokenness.

Submission is easy for a woman who is submitted to God. And we do it as a service to the Lord. Wives be subject to your own husbands, as [ a service] to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22

We are not submitting to a man because he is so awesome, or because he knows how to lead us. Our submission is out of service to God. Because we do it in God, God will protect us. Also, we do it in God because ultimately we want to follow God’s leadership when it comes to following a man.

You don’t want to follow him into foolishness and disobedience, gal you will die with him. God will specifically tell you when not to submit to a man’s nonsense because he is walking in disobedience. We get to stand up and refuse to follow foolishness because we are led by God and His word first.

Ladies, it is very important that you choose a man that is first submitted to God because he will lead you as he is led by God. He can be corrected and disciplined by God when he is walking in disobedience. A man who is under God is ultimately under His authority; God will deal with him, you don’t have to worry about him. This is your safety.

Ladies, armed with this knowledge, my prayer is that you will show up in your relationships as the powerful and well-equipped women that God has designed you to be. And that your relationships will be blessed because you showed up to your role with grace and confidence. I’m rooting and praying for you!