Photo by Superkitina
Wouldn’t it be nice if someone took the guesswork out of dating for you? Wouldn’t it be awesome if you knew exactly who you need to be with and when? Yet this is not how it works. Dating even in Christian circles is a complicated affair. But I do believe that if we are keen on asking God who we should consider for dating it would make it less complicated. Some of the messes we have created in relationships could have been avoided if only we were keen to ask God.
Some people think it is weird that God can choose a partner for you. I don’t know about you but I have seen my choices and… they haven’t been that great. On the other hand, God is all-seeing, all-knowing. He can see things I’m not able to see. Even when it doesn’t make sense I can trust His wisdom and His heart for me.
God will choose a specific person for a specific purpose.
It comes down to purpose. But most of us believe God will choose a guy for us that truly complement, makes us so happy, and meets all our needs. Yes, God wants us to enjoy the relationships He has given to us. But that isn’t the ultimate purpose for putting two people together.
Because God chooses according to the purpose He has for us, then this means multiple people could be God’s choice for me and not a specific one person.
I want to emphasize this because culture has led us to believe there is only one person (soul mate, or true love) for you. And if you miss them then you are doomed to a life of loneliness. If it were true God had only one person for each one of us, then what happens if he /she dies or chooses another, and you end up marrying someone else? Then it means you’ve messed up the perfect equation for you and for everyone else for that matter.
“God said you’re the one”
If there is a statement that has wreaked havoc in the church it’s this one right here. We have so many people walking around hurt and mad at God because the person they thought God told them to marry went and married someone else. Or they ended up in a relationship with a guy because he said, “God said you are my wife,” and it didn’t quite work out.
We can use God to hide behind our dysfunction. We can also use God to manipulate and force people into situations we weren’t supposed to be in the first place.
Here are a few things to help you know if God is leading you towards a person with the intention of marriage.
The number one reason why God would put two people together is for His purposes to be accomplished on earth. Marriage has a purpose and it is a vehicle through which a man and a woman fulfill the purpose God has for them. For example, God will put two people together for ministry, or business or family. And the two peoples’ gifts will complement and aid each other in their purpose.
Other times, God will bring two people, with different gifting and callings, to fulfill two different purposes. yet in His amazing ways, the two won’t be divided but united in doing these two different things. So don’t get too hung up on whether your calling and purpose match. Just be sure you are in line with what God has called you to do and can do it together.
There is an order and a way in which things are to be done. God put it this way. A man has to pursue a woman; a woman has to be pursued. I’m not saying that there aren’t ways in which a lady can help a guy up. However, for it to glorify God he has to lead. He leads in pursuing you and showing you his interest in pursuing a relationship with you. So if you feel like God is telling you that he is the “one” wait. And let God speak to him too.
Give him the opportunity to pursue you. Don’t make it too easy for a man; don’t do all the work for him. By pursuing you, you give him the chance to show you that he actually thinks you are worth the effort.
In today’s world of “inboxes and Dm’s”, a man actually picking up the phone and asking you out on a real date is a sign that he actually is serious about pursuing you. So let him pursue you.
God’s word isn’t afraid to be confirmed. Paul exhorts us in 1 Thessalonians5:20 …to test everything and hold onto what is good. Marriage is a big deal so if you think that God is speaking to you concerning someone. Ask Him to confirm His word through others.
Don’t go with, “ I know I heard God and that’s enough”. There is wisdom in many counselors, if nobody else can confirm that God is putting you two together sis that’s a red flag. Where there is no counsel, the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors, there is safety. Proverbs 11:14
There is safety in confirmation. Remember there is an enemy looking to destroy you. Marriage can be catastrophic if done wrong, so make sure that you are indeed hearing from God before you run to marry someone because you “heard God”.
You will both be in agreement if it’s actually God speaking about the two of you. Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? Amos 3:3
This is important in the scenario where we think we’ve heard God about someone. We then pick out the wedding dress, the location, and the date while the person we think we are getting married to doesn’t have a clue. We can build a relationship on fantasy. Women are often guilty of this.
God isn’t sloppy to tell you about him and forget to tell him about you. If it’s God, wait for him to hear, and don’t run ahead of God until the two of you are in agreement. It will spare you a lot of heartache.
Sometimes, time is needed because God has to prepare both of you for the relationship before he can put you together. Trust Him, he is good at his job. Do yours and let God do his.
This is what sets God apart, in that He gives us free will, to choose Him or not. He will not coerce us into anything. No manipulation, no control, it has to be surrender and out of choice, or it’s not acceptable to Him.
This often complicates things because people are free to say no to God and His plans. This means that a person can actually hear God on pursuing a relationship with someone, and they can actually choose not to. I have seen this happens so many times, it’s so devastating because there is rejection and another person’s heart is involved.
But even when God ordained things don’t work out according to plan. God isn’t tied to a man/woman saying no to Him, He will find someone else to do what He wants done. In case you heard God about someone and you weren’t walking in the flesh but they were and chose someone else. Put your trust in the Lord, let God heal your heart. God is a great recompensor. He will give you another relationship that will be better than the first one.
I truly believe, His hands are big enough to hold all our disappointments and heal our broken hearts. Put your trust in Him and wait on Him, He won’t fail you.