Date wisely

Photo by Gift Habeshaw

Signs he is ready for a serious relationship

Dating can be fun or it can be an arduous heartbreaking experience. Dating in the 21st century is even harder because of social media and the internet, which allows a person to build a completely different persona from who they really are.

It’s very hard to know if a man is serious or not. You can’t always tell if a man wants to date you for fun or if he is looking for something more serious.

However, it is possible to know if and when a man is ready for marriage or not.

Age is not an indication of readiness for marriage. A 21-year-old man can be ready for marriage while a 40-year-old man can be unprepared for marriage. However, when a man gets to a certain age, he is more likely to be looking for a serious relationship with the potential to lead to marriage.

As women, we have been led to believe a man does all the choosing. However, I believe that two people have to choose each other for marriage. Yes, he gets to pursue you and all the good stuff, but just because a man wants to give me a ring doesn’t mean I have to say yes.

Don’t be desperate for a man[any man] to choose you that you forget that you also get to decide whether or not you want to build a marriage with him or not.

A man proposing to you isn’t a guarantee for marriage. Don’t be eager to post an “I said yes” on social media that you forget to really ask yourself what you are really saying yes to.

Here are a few things to tell you if a man is ready for marriage:

Purpose

A man who is ready to get married will have purpose. He will have a vision for his life. He will have an idea of where he wants to go and will be actively working towards that vision.

Purpose comes from God. It’s the “why” behind our being on this earth. For instance, a person may feel called to build a great business for God’s glory. He may feel called to ministry. He may also be called to be a musician or an artist. The list is endless.

You will know a man has purpose or vision by the way he leads his life. Where there is no vision, people cast off restraint. Proverbs 29:18

When a man has purpose, there are things he will not do, things he won’t entertain, and places he will not go.

Also, purpose goes with work. Before a man gets a wife he should have work. Work is God’s idea for a man or woman to find fulfilling labor on earth.

And when the Lord, God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to tend it and guard and keep it.

Now the Lord God said it is not good [ sufficient, satisfactory] that the man should be alone. I will make a helper meet[ suitable, adapted, complementary] for him. Genesis 2:15, 18

Adam first had purposeful work and then God brought him a wife.

Sis, he should be doing something meaningful with his life, not just merely existing.

Responsibility

God gives a man the immense responsibility of leading his house. He gets to lead you and for him to do so, he has to be leading himself well first.

In a similar way urge the young men to be sensible and self-controlled and behave wisely [ taking life seriously] Titus 2:6

Sis, does he look like he takes his life seriously? Does he look like he stewards responsibility? Is he living with sense and wisdom or is he making reckless decisions?

The way he leads his life will tell you how he will lead you and your family.

Spiritual authority

A man who says he believes in God has to show God in his life.

Is he submitted to God’s leadership? Does he choose obedience at all times or does he obey God only when it’s convenient for him? a man who is submitted to God will make a great leader for his house.

If he is submitted to God, he will display the fruit of the Holyspirit. He will also love and look like the Father.

You can identify them by their fruit- that is by the way they act. Matthew 7:16

Is he under spiritual authority?

First, he has to be submitted to the Lord, then he has to be submitted to pastoral authority.

Does he have a local church and does the leadership know about him? or is he a spiritual vagabond? Spiritual vagabonds will not come under any authority. They also have no accountability. Be wary of a man who tells you he is looking for a “good church” or that he is “in between churches”.

When you get married to a vagabond, he will constantly be uprooting you from the places God has put you in to grow and flourish. You want a man who is under spiritual authority to have people you can go to when you have issues that are bigger than both of you.

Stable relationships

Stability in other relationships tells you he will be stable in a relationship with you.

Does he have great friends? Is he walking in godly counsel? Remember the friends a man keeps will tell you who he is and where he wants to end up.

He who walks with the wise will become wise, but a companion of fools will be destroyed. Proverbs 13:20

Check whether the friends he keeps are wise men who can give him wise counsel or fools leading him to destruction.

Family relationships.

Someone told me, if you want to know how a man will treat you watch the way he treats his mother. Also, watch the way he treats his sisters. If there is dishonor and disrespect, that’s the same way he will treat you.

Even when a family is difficult and dysfunctional can you see him steward it with unconditional love, grace, and forgiveness?

Family is not always easy but a man who will not get along with his family will probably not get along with anyone.

A king with a servant’s heart

Service is important in any relationship. A great relationship has two people who choose to serve each other every day for the rest of their lives. So a man who wants to get married and build a great marriage has to be a servant at heart.

Is he a servant or is he self-servicing? Can you see him serving people without reward or does he only serve people when he can get something out of it? Or does he only serve in places or ways where he can be seen and praised by people? Can he clean a toilet with a great attitude? Can he clean floors with humility or does he look down on menial tasks?

How does he treat people in low positions like waiters in restaurants? Is he kind and patient with a person he doesn’t think can do much for him? This will tell you whether he has a servant’s heart or not.

This is not an ultimate list. Just because a man doesn’t have all the things on this list doesn’t mean you should disqualify him. We all are a work in progress. We also have to be giving each other room and grace to grow. If he has some qualities, be patient and wait on God to work out the others in him.

Remember to trust your instinct if something tells you a man isn’t who he is telling you he is, you’re probably right. Don’t ignore the red flags God sends you. He is trying to protect you.