Godly and single?

Photo by Milan Popovic

Beautiful, godly single women seem to be a bit of a pandemic in the church today. I believe its not because there aren’t enough godly men to marry us. Marriage is an important season of our life. God wants you married, it’s His wonderful idea. But some things have to be in place before we can enter into this season. To get the results we hope for we have to do things the way God wants them done.

Here a few things that might keep a godly woman single.

1. Unrealistic expectations

Is it possible to ask God for a spouse and have unrealistic expectations? Yes

Is it possible to pass over the choice God has for us because he looks different than our expectations? Also yes.

Lists are great, we want to have an idea of the marriage we want and the person we would want to build that marriage with. We also need to have an idea of what we want lest we fall for anything. But we have to make sure that our lists are in line with God’s word.

Often, when I see a godly woman tightly hanging onto a list, usually it’s according to the patterns of this world.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what god’s will is –his good, pleasing and perfect will. Roman 12:2 NIV

We have to lay down the patterns we’ve collected in this world when we come into the kingdom of God. It’s only when we leave the patterns of the world and renew our minds, are we able to know God’s will for us.

We can bring the patterns of the world into the kingdom of God. We try to make them work in the kingdom. When we do this we will end up with very different results than what God wants for us.

We cannot start and build a marriage on the foundations of the world. If we want a godly marriage we will have to make sure that it is according to God’s standards. The word of God is His standards.

Sometimes, a woman will stand before God and say, “I will take your choice God, but he has to look like this, have this kind of a job or make this amount of money.”

Sis, wanting a man that has progressed in life is not a bad thing. Wanting a cute face to wake up next to isn’t bad at all either, but this can’t be what is important to you.

These are the standards of this world, not the kingdom. There has to be a stark difference between us and the people in the world if we are going to glorify God with our lives.

The Lord was with Joseph, and he was a successful man, and he was in the house of his master the Egyptian. Genesis 39:2 NKJV

From this verse, we see that God’s measure of success is very different from ours.

Joseph doesn’t have much but he is purposeful, a hard worker, faithful, spirit-led; he has the evidence of the fruit of the spirit, and he fears God in secret.

This is the measure of a successful man/woman according to God. This should also be our measure.

Sis, I don’t know about you but I revised my “little list” of expectations when I saw this.

2. What’s the point of marriage?

You can be begging God for a spouse or can hardly wait to be wedded but you have no idea what marriage is for.

God’s ultimate purpose for marriage is not so we can be happy and have all our needs and whims met.

Is it God’s will for us to have fulfilling relationships? Absolutely.

Is it God’s will for us to enjoy ourselves in marriage? Yes

However, there is a greater purpose for your marriage in God than you being able to have legal sex (Yes, I said it!).

Did he not make them one, with a portion of the spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. Malachi 2:15 ESV

God’s intention for putting two people together in a marriage is so He can get godly offspring out of them.

When I raise Godly children, they, in turn, will raise other Godly children, so on and so forth… until God has a Godly generation that can fulfill His purposes on earth.

Our wrong asking will change when we understand that God is looking for something when He puts a godly man and woman together in marriage.

3. You are not a wife yet

Proverbs 18:22 says, he who finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. NIV

A man can find a lot of things but it’s only when he finds a wife does he find a good thing and receives favor.

A man doesn’t find a woman and turns her into a wife. He has to find her as a wife. She has to be prepared to be a wife before he finds her.

If he is going to find me, I need to be a wife already. Prepared for the season of marriage and for the role of a wife.

I love the story of Rebecca in Genesis 24:14. may it be that when I say to a young woman, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too’—let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac By this, I will know that you have shown kindness to my master”

The servant didn’t ask that she might be the most beautiful. He didn’t ask that she be well dressed. He asked for something specific. Rebecca was beautiful indeed and godly. But she had something that made her stand out from the rest.

She had the qualities of a wife. She could go above and beyond what was expected of her. She didn’t just do the easy things. She did the hard things too without grumbling and complaining.

She gives him water to drink and also takes the enormous task of watering his camels too.

Camels are desert animals adapted to going for long periods without water. The way they can do this is they can drink up to 200 liters of water at a time then store it up for later.

Rebecca had to fetch a lot of water to completely water the camels. Because of this, Abraham’s servant knew she was the kind of wife Isaac needed.

Sis, there has to be more to you than getting your hair and nails done; more than you wearing cute clothes and shoes. A beautiful face can attract a man but the beauty of character will make a man want to keep you for life.

Preparation is also important because it will help you weed out the man who is a husband from all the jokers. (Sadly, there are many jokers in church).

4. You are not well-positioned

You can be godly, beautiful, and have all the qualities and still be single.

Some places might hinder us from getting into the next season. We have to be well-positioned if our blessings will find us.

I have seen this in the church, a single lady’s life can often circle around her Job>church>home. These circles sometimes may not have eligible bachelors for her. She may need to go somewhere else to be found.

If you are in a place where you can’t seem to find godly single men ask the Lord to lead you somewhere else.

Remember he has to find you, you don’t find him. He has to chase you, you don’t have to chase him (but sis, we can make it easy for them to find us).

Don’t hide out in your house and cry out to God that no man is asking you out. You have to be seen to be pursued. If he cannot see you he will pursue someone else.

I love the story of Ruth in the Bible. Ruth through the advice of her wise godly mother-in-law knew how to position herself for the man God had for her (gal, sometimes the brother needs a little help). But Ruth does it tactfully, without compromising her character and godliness. Ruth 3:1-13

There is a way that you can position yourself before a man, he perceives you as desperate. A man can also feel like you are pursuing him (and he will flee). When you position yourself without compromise, a godly man will respond in honor and will pursue you just like Boaz pursued Ruth.

When we make sure that our expectations (lists) are in line with God’s word; understand the purpose of marriage, make sure we have the qualities of a wife and are well-positioned God’s blessing will find us.

As a single, what are some of the things God has been teaching you? Leave me a comment below.

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